People are always saying that birth control is supposed to be both partners' responsibility, but assuming you don't want to use condoms forever in your long term relationship, what's a man to do? Short of having a vasectomy, you really don't have a lot of options. And you know your girlfriend will one day replace her birth control pills with Tic-Tacs and trap you into a marriage, that bitch.
Well, never fear: scientists in Australia (yay, Australia!) have invented a remote-controlled valve that you just pop in your vas deferens and can open and shut as you see fit. Trying to get the wifey pregnant? Open! Don't want the stripper filing a paternity suit? Closed! So handy. Just make sure, as always, not to let the bitch touch the remote.
Also one commenter suggests it should be named the StopCock, which I think is just brilliant.
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