If I Did It

Former White House press secretary Scott McClellan says that Cheney and Bush were directly involved in him lying to the public about Karl Rove and Scooter Libby's involvement in outing Valerie Plame. It would seem like that ought to be kind of important, no? Like, more important than lying about a blow job? No? Hello?

[crickets]

America Q&A

Q: What do you do if you're the US Military and your "all-volunteer" army is a little light on its quotas (but NOT in the loafers, hells no), so you give out these signing bonuses, but the stupid fuckers who take them and go off to fight your war keep getting so badly injured in Iraq that they can't fight any more?

A: Demand part of the signing bonus back. Duh!

Stay classy, Ameri -- oh, fuck it.

Angola Q&A

Q: What do you do if you have lost a leg in a landmine accident, you're female, you live in Angola and you just don't feel pretty?

A: Enter the Miss Landmine beauty pagent, where you can be primped and preened well beyond your means, photographed in fancy hotel spots and put on a website for other people to vote on who should get a fake leg.

By the way, this is meant to "redefine" beauty as including people who are missing a limb. Not, however, to include people not dressed up nor wearing makeup. So, baby steps (get it??).

Stay classy, Angola!

Breaking news -- Giuliani running on 9/11

This is apparently news to the NY Post, who is under the impression that "[w]hile Giuliani's supporters have long boasted about his performance after the attacks, he himself had not, until now, mentioned it as prominently". Just under 9 months after the Onion points it out.

Seriously, when you're being scooped by a fucking fake newspaper, do you not just give up?

Some people just won't be happy

So if you're a right-wing type person who thinks that avowed atheist Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy, (which does portray religion as less than awesome) is, you know, Satan's dark material, you think you'd be happy that the upcoming movie adaptation removes all the religious stuff and just makes a nice holiday fun fantasy family film. But boy, would you be wrong!

"These books denigrate Christianity, thrash the Catholic Church and sell the virtues of atheism," said Bill Donohue, president and CEO of the Catholic League..."[The filmakers are] intentionally watering down the most offensive element,” Donohue said. “I'm not really concerned about the movie, [which] looks fairly innocuous. The movie is made for the books. ... It's a deceitful, stealth campaign. Pullman is hoping his books will fly off the shelves at Christmastime."

Clever, clever atheist! Get all of Hollywood to dance to your clever ploy of making a movie that doesn't hate God from your books that do hate God in order to sell more books so that kids will hate God! Good job. Does anybody else have anything inane to add?

[Ted] Baehr [head of The Christian Film and Television Commission] said. "We'll put out writings on the book. Children who buy into this are going to be trapped in a sad, desperate world."

Yes, the sad and desperate world of reading fiction. Somebody get those kids out of there and back to Sunday School! Thanks, Ted.

But seriously, the books are awesome, you should go read them if you haven't already. Make them fly off the shelves at Christmastime! It'll be worth it just to see the look on Donohue's face Christmas morning.

Is that a chopstick in your bra, or are you just happy to see me?

No, seriously:



We all want to be part of the solution -- now you have a handy place to stash your reusable chopsticks. By the way, some of the YouTube commenters seem a little confused, and to be fair the model is not really making it clear -- you don't actually eat out of the bra (because that would be crazy?). The cups just look like food. The chopsticks, however, are real.

And don't worry, it's functional too:

[T]he Chopstick bra has benefits beyond protecting the planet - the chopsticks encased in both sides of the bra will push up breasts and "gently accentuate cleavage," the company said.

Ayup.

Quote of the Day

"Unlike the starkly clinical vagina, I see a vajayjay as a happy and inviting place, with a warm and fuzzy connotation. Vajayjay says "hello . . . welcome" and "open for business." "Vagina" screams textbook. "Vajayjay" says Facebook.

"In short, "vajayjay" has got us thinking outside of the box, which makes the feminists nervous. They want to keep "vagina" all to themselves. That is why they are vajayjay naysayers. (I recognize, of course, that linguists may disagree.)"

--Michael Smerconish, Philadelphia Daily News

I dare you

To take this quiz and not end up with a leprechaun on top:

http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/election2008/candidate-match-game.htm

Fuckin' Mukasey

So Schumer and Feinstein have caved, and are going ahead to send Mukasey's confirmation to the whole Senate. I caught Chuck's Op-Ed piece in the Times, in which he carefully explains that while "Judge Mukasey’s refusal to state that waterboarding is illegal was unsatisfactory to [him] and many other members of the Senate Judiciary Committee", he's going to go ahead and confirm him instead of letting Bush appoint someone worse for the interim, and then just pass a law against waterboarding which he's sure Mukasey will uphold. Which, if you think waterboarding is already illegal, doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and if you think Bush won't veto that, you're not really paying attention.

But whatever, there's totally hope that this United States Attorney General will consider not torturing people: "Indeed, his written answers to our questions have demonstrated more openness to ending the practices we abhor than either of this president’s previous attorney general nominees have had."

Now that is progress at a BREAKNECK SPEED.

Ron Raul is rich

Again. Or, still. He has been putting up pretty impressive funding numbers for a while (beating John McCain and everything) but Monday's haul of $4 million in less than a day is still a standout. Best single day for a Repulican, only loses to Hillary's one day haul of 6.2 million -- really not bad for someone who has absolutely no chance of ever becoming President.

Plus you have to give the guy credit to linking his day to donate to Guy Fawkes Day, in honor of someone who tried to blow up Parliment. But don't worry:

Mr. Benton clarified that Mr. Paul did not support blowing up government buildings. “He wants to demolish things like the Department of Education,” Mr. Benton said, “but we can do that very peacefully, in a constructive manner.”

Totally.