Webdings? Really?

Why the hell is that one of my (very limited) font selections? Do people really want to read like this?

Although I will give a brief shout-out to Microsoft for caving in to the demands of complete raving lunatics, and replacing the oh-so-ominous translation of "NYC" into Wingdings as

(Which clearly means Microsoft's basic mission statement is "Death to Jews: Thumbs Up!") into the nice, pleasant, inoffensive and entirely deliberate new Webdings version:

NYC. I suppose that could be any city, but point taken, Microsoft. You've learned to stop encoding your messages of hate in in your completely useless fonts. (Are there people out there who like, know which symbol goes to which letter, so when they want to include some kind of fucked up bug thing they just type "k" in Webdings [k]? If so, why?) Anyway, I look forward to a new Windows security patch that makes subtle changes to my registry that spells "Hitler" in ASCII.

Penn Jillette wrote something pretty funny about it, including his own interpretation of the symbols:

"To me, means 'Jewish people make really good pesticides?' "

He's pretty angry about it too, which you know we like around here. Nothing like a nice self-righteous fury at dumbasses.

I will not even mention this retardedness:

Seriously, he's totally not gay

Look, he says so himself, repeatedly:




It was all just a smear job by the, um, local newspaper? Anyway, the first line out of his mouth is "Thank you all for coming out today". Fine, I'm 8, but that's fuckin' funny.

So, it's murder, but you shouldn't go to jail?

Check out this little piece interviewing pro-life demonstrators who support making abortion illegal, where they are each asked "What should the punishment be for women who have had an illegal abortion?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk6t_tdOkwo

Now I have no idea how many people they had to ask this in order to get these few people who were totally taken aback by this question (and it's also interesting that they were almost all women, while most of the pro-life demonstrations I've seen have been well represented by the dudes, maybe the menfolk are a little quicker to suggest locking the abortin' ladies up), but I will point out that I used to live not far from Libertyville, IL and it's a pretty small town that's also pretty liberal, so I doubt there were more than a couple dozen people at whatever that was.

Particularly the second person, the lady with the red shirt and glasses, who was totally confident that abortion was the murder of a human being but thought we should just pray for the women who have illegal abortions, they shouldn't go to jail or be punished in any way. If her point is that judgement is for God alone so we don't need to punish them here, then why wasn't she quick to offer that murderers being given jail sentences is also irrelevant when pressed on that point?

Also, "Is that your judgement or God's judgement?" "Both." Glad they're on the same wavelength! The interviewer is a bit of a douche, but really it's just striking how these people haven't thought this through at all. The one thing pro-lifers have on their side is a clear-cut definition of when life begins, there is a pretty specific moment when a sperm hits an egg. No pro-choicer out there can tell you the exact moment when they think a ball of cells become a human being. So anyway, pro-lifers, think it through a bit more. You can't go waving photos of bloody fetuses in my face all the damn time screaming about murder but tell me the girl I'm escorting to the clinic shouldn't be punished if you succeed.

Wait, actually, don't. Stay confused.

Anyway, there are plenty of countries where abortion is illegal and women are prosecuted for it, and that article is pretty striking all on its own:

"The abortion rates are highest in Chile and Peru (where one woman in 20 has an induced abortion). In Brazil, Colombia and the Dominican Republic, it's about one woman in 30, and in Mexico approximately one in 40. (In the United States, the rate is 21.3 per 1,000 women.)"

and

"And while abortion is legal in cases of rape or a threat to life, the actual mechanism to get permission to have a legal abortion is so complex that it discourages women. Alonso points out that last year in Mexico City, only 17 legal abortions were approved, yet there are 30 rapes reported to police per day there."

I'm not sure how reliable her facts and figures are here, as I have no information whatsoever about the fact-checking group over at "WeNews", but you can read more about the incredibly sad state of Mexico's abortion and sex policies in this report from Human Rights Watch (the age of consent is 12! All incest is consensual! Dios mio!). I don't really feel like independently verifying that 1 in 20 claim right now, but if it's close to true, yikes! (Also note she said Mexico's rate is "approximately one in 40" but the US's is "21.3 per 1,000 women". Do you have better data, or does "21.3 in 1,000" look better than "approximately one in 50"? Hmm.)

Quote of the Day

http://www.citizensforethics.org/node/29979

Melanie Sloan, CREW's executive director, said today, "The Senate Select Committee on Ethics should immediately commence an investigation into Sen. Craig's conduct. If pleading guilty to charges stemming from an attempt to solicit an undercover officer in a public restroom is not conduct that reflects poorly upon the Senate, what is?"

I mean Ted Kennedy killed somebody and all, but still.

I am a Slime-Snake-Monkey-Person!

And delighted to be so! How freakin' cool is that?? Check it out:

http://www.christiannewswire.com/news/509553941.html

"To shock the Darwinists out of their denial of the overwhelming evidence in Greek art for the reality of Genesis events, the author urges Creationists to refer to evolutionists as what they imagine they are—'Slime-Snake-Monkey-People.' Mr. Johnson, who holds a general science degree from West Point, also suggests that since Slime-Snake-Monkey-People insist they evolved over millions of years through a countless series of random mutations, Christians should also refer to them as 'mutants.'"

Awesome. Just -- awesome. I especially like how he's going to "shock" us out of our denial by refering to us as what we already think we are. Wouldn't you have to refer us as something we didn't think we were to get some kind of shock? I'm pretty comfortable with the whole slime-snake-monkey-mutant thing. If you started calling me a Unicorn-Plutonium-Sunspot-Person, now that would be kinda different.

Weekly World News

I never really read this "paper", which is too bad, as by all accounts it is really funny and now it's closing. Here is a great article by a "reporter" for WWN named Stan Sinberg, which includes the following passage which made me laugh out loud:

"Once I was "in," I often described my job, without a hint of exaggeration, as "thinking of the stupidest shit possible." I once pitched a story positing that the U.S. government had data confirming that the one commonality linking all mass killers, including the Columbine shooters, was that they never masturbated. Rather than issue this report, which would save lives but promote onanism, the government preferred to let occasional slaughters take place. My editor rejected it on the grounds that it was "too plausible."

During my stint at the News I turned down chances to write for (the much better paying) Enquirer, because I didn't want to engage in celebrity trash-talk. WWN avoided celeb gossip, with the exception of Elvis and politicians (for instance, Donald Rumsfeld: "Rumsfeld Changes His Name to Rumsfeldstiltskin and Tells Rogue Nations 'Guess My New Name or We'll Invade You,'" "Homeland Security Chief's House Robbed Five Times in a Week"). By those standards alone, I considered it a higher calling."


Rumsfeldstiltskin. Hilarious. Other excellent stories include "the rap artist who had 'reverse Tourette's syndrome,' which forced him to say something nice every time he tried to curse," "the judicial system was in chaos because a thief stole "the book" that judges throw at them," and the excellent headline "New Study Reveals Stitch in Time Only Saves Eight".

Still laughing.

Ugh

What a depressing article. One in four Americans didn't read a single book last year. And why not? This was my favorite:

"'I just get sleepy when I read,' said Richard Bustos of Dallas, a habit with which millions of Americans can doubtless identify. Bustos, a 34-year-old project manager for a telecommunications company, said he had not read any books in the last year and would rather spend time in his backyard pool."

It goes on to say, in a very gentle sort of way, "That choice by Bustos and others is reflected in book sales, which have been flat in recent years and are expected to stay that way indefinitely."

Here's a graph for you:

Book Sales: _________________________________________

Sigh.

"There was even some political variety evident, with Democrats and liberals typically reading slightly more books than Republicans and conservatives."

I'm not sayin' nothing.

Well at least they're getting smarter

Cause how are we supposed to argue with a veteran who lost his fucking legs?




Well, I'll do it: John Kriesel, you are a liar. I am sorry you lost your legs but it's already for nothing. That has nothing to do with us pulling out now. For the last motherfucking time -- Iraq was not responsible for September 11th. The fact that you would get on camera and say so is a sad, sad reflection on you and what you are letting your service become. Also how could you say "It's no time for politics" when this is a political ad? How could you say that, and possibly even believe it, and then let this ad, your voice, your image, your loss be used for political reasons? And to do it for an organization with Ari Freakin' Fleischer behind it -- who has spent more time lying about the Iraq war and the reasons why we went into it? He is a liar, and so are you, John Kriesel, and you are doing your country a grave disservice.

Check out Ari's appearance on Hardball where he lays out the political nature of this ad and can't even remember John's name. Also please pay special attention to when guest host Mike Barnicle asks him how many Iraqis were on the plane he showed flying into the World Trade Center (around 2:30), and let me know if you think his answer matches what the ad just said:



When Ari keeps telling Mike that when he's talking about the reasons for going into Iraq it's a 2002 debate, and he should shut up about it? Then why did I just watch a plane flying into a building? And when Mike doesn't tell him to go fuck himself but instead has the temerity to politely point out that showing footage from September 11th in an ad about staying in Iraq might encourage some viewers to conflate the two? Ari just yells about it being an old debate again. Which I find rather disingenuous, since (as Ari knows perfectly well) 41% of Americans believe that Saddam had something to do with September 11th. This is an old debate? In 2004 only 36% of people believed that. Looks like you're gaining some ground in this old, stale debate you're not having.

Quote of the Day

From an article about the differences between men and women when it comes to physically locating food:

"The research also shows that women have the same navigational skills as men, if there is sufficient motivation to get to a destination, such as a cream bun."

Indeed.

How I learned to stop worrying and love Nepalese prostitutes

Just when you think Reuters India doesn't have any good news, you find out that there are women in Nepal who are sick of being abused by the government and forced into prostitution because they have had every other avenue blocked, so they are going to take their clothes off (just down to their petticoats, don't get all hot and bothered) and blackmail government officials who have used their services until they get what they want (what do they want? Their land, and education for their kids. Tough bargainers).

Anyway, good on ya. It's hard to get shit done in Nepal, what with all this sort of thing going on. How are you supposed to get people to pay attention to your plight when they're too busy sorting out if they should be turning pre-pubescent girls into living goddesses or not? I mean, really.

Pakistan and Palestine:

Or, why am I even talking about the touchiest subject on the planet?

I was thinking yesterday about how it is interesting, when the British left India there were fears from the Muslim minority there, that they would never be able to be represented in a mostly Hindu state, and so Pakistan was created, and millions and millions of people migrated one way or the other (Hindus to the right, Muslims to the left, step lively now! I jest but seriously like half a million people died while doing this). This didn't stop anybody from hating each other, but at least they each had their own country.

So then a year later or so when the British left Palestine, (as far as I can tell, so don't yell at me with your version of these events, you weren't there either. Unless you're my grandfather, in which case you really shouldn't be reading this fucking blog, Zayde) the UN proposed to make a Jewish state and an Arab state, but the Arabs were not so into that idea, so the Jews declared a state with disregard for the people already there, everybody who happened to be nearby and Arab (Egypt, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon and Iraq) attacked said fledgling state, but they lost, so sucks to be Arab (no state for you!), don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. And by "door" I mean "bomb" and by "ass" I mean "your entire community".

Obviously I am oversimplfying here (ya think?) but it is just interesting to think of the creation or lack thereof of these four states, each pair divided on ethnic and religious lines, each created by the British leaving and hotly contested, each beginning with an I and a P...it's downright eerie.

If there had successfully been an Arab state created in 1948, would we have some kind of détente in hostilities, two states always fighting over this disputed territority or the other (coughKashmircough) but not actually using their nuclear weapons, with less Sbarros blown up, or would we just have Hamas with nukes? Would a stable Palestine lead to another base from which to attack Israel cause Arabs and Jews will just never, ever get along, or would they have a lot less reason to blow up buses if Israel wasn't always shooting rockets at them every time a bus blew up? Would they still hate each other if they weren't always trying to kill each other? Which came first, the egg blowing up inside the chicken or the chicken rolling a tank over the eggs?

I really have no idea, especially on that last one since it doesn't even make sense, but it does make you wonder, especially since Pakistan seems to be sort of skidding off the rails right about now anyway. Maybe Israel and Palestine just need a nice, remote, mountainous region to separate them, and a little more land to spread out in. Which is why I keep recommending Montana, but who listens to me, anyway? (Answer: nobody.)

A short break for a triptych of awesomeness

Then we'll get back to all the incoherent political ranting.

First, a bionic arm. That needs no explanation, it's just awesome.

Second, a massively multi-core chip. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, here is a short explanation involving the word "thingy" a lot:

So right now, the chip in your computer probably only has one or two cores, which are the thingies that do stuff. And you could have lots of cores on a chip, but the problem is that cores are connected like everything else on your computer by a bus, which basically it what it sounds like -- it drives information from one part of your computer to another. For example, if I wanted my computer to tell me how much two plus two was, I would type that in my keyboard, then the bus would leave my keyboard input thingy with the question, go to the math thingy, get the answer then drive to the screen display thingy and show me the answer (Shut up, this is a simplification). So the problem with multi-cores is that current chip architecture routes everything from each core through one centralized place, causing a traffic jam and not getting much performance from additional cores since most thingies would be sitting there idle the whole time waitin' on the fucking bus. Like if every city bus had to go through Times Square before it could go anywhere else, the M60 would never make it to LaGuardia and you would totally miss your flight.

SO, Tilera has come up with a totally new way to put cores on a chip: in a grid!



So the bus can go through all these routes, which are laid out just like a city grid, and there are tons of ways to get from one thingy to another without getting all backed up behind the damn local bus. If you want one for your very own, just find 9,999 friends who also want one and have $435 and you can buy a 10,000 lot! Anyway, trust me, it's awesome.


Third, an epic animal battle. According to YouTube's view count, you've already seen this, but just in case you haven't, go watch this fight between lions, buffalo and crocodiles. You might get a little bored in the middle but stick around at least until like 6:45 or 7:00-ish. It's awesome.

Oh, mrap.

So, you know how we can't pass a bill with a timetable for withdrawing from Iraq, because that's always attached to a funding bill for the troops, and that's why Biden has to just go ahead and vote for giving the troops more money even without the timetable, cause otherwise you're putting these guys' lives in danger? Even though that might seriously hurt his chances at being elected Presi-- ok, I can't even finish that sentence. Joe, you're totally going to win. I can't wait to see you at the next (28th!) debate, being all relevant and shit.

Anyway, you know? Well, turns out it doesn't even matter how much money they have, they just can't manage to get equipment anyway. See, according to our Secretary of Defense, what we really need are these armored vehicles (MRAP's) to protect against those IED's that are killing, like, everybody. As he points out, "I was initially told that once the vehicles were manufactured, it would take about 30 days to fit them out with all of the communications and other gear that the government puts into them, and then another 30 days to ship them by sea. I basically said that I didn't think that was acceptable...[T]he way I have put it to everyone is that you have to look outside the normal bureaucratic way of doing things. And so does industry, because lives are at stake. For every month we delay, scores of young Americans are going to die".

That, of course was on June 29th, a bit less than two months ago. So we should have gotten all these doohickies that will prevent SCORES of American deaths each month by now, right? Well, not so much. So why are we so fucking desperate to pass these funding bills that we can't just hold out a little bit more to get a veto-proof majority instead of just rolling right over to Bush and his utter failure of an administration that is still somehow managing to hold Congress in thrall to the point that they continue to greenlight this unbelievably unpopular war AND PASS FISA ON TOP OF THAT? Seriously, dudes, what the fuck was up with that?

Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is: next time, HillBama, it is not enough to just vote No at the last possible minute to the bill, without ever having said a word about how you were planning to vote. Maybe when this comes around again (and again, and again), you could try using some of your crazy Senate sway (Hill) or your unimpeachable anti-war charisma (Bama) to, I don't know, get some other waffling Senators on your side? Hmmm?

Also, Hillary's taking plenty (ok, some) shit for not being anti-war enough (just say it was a mistake already! We'll forgive you!), but Barack, this is supposed to be your thing! As you keep reminding us, you're the only one who's always voted against the war (even though you weren't, like, actually in the Senate when everybody first voted for it). So how 'bout you fucking act like you're against it, instead of like the typical timid Beltway politician you're supposed to be the antithesis of? If you actually want us out of this war, and you're not just using that position for political gain, don't wait til the last minute to check out how Hillary's gonna vote. Yell it out and maybe get 15 Republican Senators (15 more Republicans, I mean, shout-out to Hagel [R-Nebraska] and Smith [R-Oregon]) plus Joe "I swear I'm not a Republican" Lieberman to join you.

What, it could happen!

Google Universe!

The new Sky feature for Google Earth looks amazing, nifty, and just generally awesome. And hey, Sally Ride thinks it's cool, and who are you to disagree with Sally Ride? That's right, NOBODY. While this video's dialogue leaves, um, a little to be desired, the images are still pretty rockin.




Anyway, there are great KML's here, especially the Best of the Hubble. God, I love Hubble. It's also just amazing how you can just view the sky, that you could ordinarily see only out in the desert with a telescope -- it's blurring the line of what is seeing "for yourself". If you can only see it by looking through a tube that bounces light around and refocuses it for you so you can see something new in "real life", is that really so different from that light going through the tube, being captured, then that image being bounced around the planet until a dump truck stuffs it through your internet tubes?

Well, yeah, it is, but less so!

Happy terrorist day!

How to get the Democrats to rally support to stay in Iraq? Hint: it starts with "Sept" and ends with "ember the eleventh". Guess what's going to happen on that, the most somber of American days of remembrance? That's right, Petraeus will testify before Congress on how gosh darned good the White House thinks the surge is working!

http://campaignspot.nationalreview.com/post/?q=MWFhYWJhYmY5ZDg2OWVjZDExOWVkNDJiNzY3NWFiZjY

Relevant section goes like this:

Question to John McCain: I don’t know if you saw the Democratic debate, but the Democratic candidates are pretty much all competing to see who can propose the fastest withdrawal. Bill Richardson is practically promising to get all the troops out in half an hour. We know that’s being driven by the furious passions of their base. How do you get enough Democratic lawmakers to defy their base, on what is clearly their make-or-break issue?

McCain: "Our first goal is to shore up our shaky Republicans. They’ll never get to sixty votes if we can shore up our shaky Republicans. Second of all, we’ve got to have demonstrations of support around the country. MoveOn.org, Ms Sheehan have been very visible on the public scene as anti-war activists. We need to crank up support. We need to make clear the consequences of failure, make sure the public understands this is part of our struggle against Islamic extremism, that if we leave, Iraq will become a base for al-Qaeda and they will follow us home.

"The calendar I’ve been told is that Petraues testify 11th [sic sic sic]. We’re off September 13 and 14 for Rosh Hoshannah. The Senate debate will begin September 18th."

Right.

The sad state of Alzheimer's research

As I receive the customer service emails for some different programs of my company, I am occasionally treated to the things people forward to their entire address books. Such as this, which I will not reprint in the original font, but suffice to say it was thirty-mother-fucking-six point, and bright orange as well. Also I would like to point out that in this particular case "their entire address book" was six people, including the customer service email address for my company. Anyway, it goes like this:

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make-up and buys several new outfits, then dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much Again, the man is impressed.The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. Men are like that, you know.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer' s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with either of them.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Why are you people sending me this shit???? Please, tell me. Never mind, don't tell me, just stop. I also got this, which is all kinds of random hate, like this whole swath right here:

"Obama is running as a new kind of politician. And it certainly is new for someone campaigning for our nation's highest office, aspiring to assume responsibilities to provide for our defense and to secure liberty for "ourselves," to see representation of the concerns of millions who are here illegally as part of those responsibilities.

Can it be that Obama thinks he is running for secretary-general of the United Nations and not president of the United States?

How about his equating immigration rallies to the civil-rights movement of the 1960s?

The analogy is, to say the least, bizarre. And it again gives a sense that the senator's left-wing vision of the world is far closer to his heart than to our own Constitution and how it relates to our citizens.

The injustices that blacks suffered had to do with lack of equal treatment and due process of law for our own citizens because of their race.

The civil rights of blacks, U.S. citizens, protected under our Constitution, that were being violated were clear. What exactly are the rights of illegals that, according to Obama, are being violated? They have violated us, not we them."

And I honestly don't have the strength to even get started except to ask, seriously, why do you have to try to solve issues by hating other people even more than you feel you yourself have been hated?

Pit Bulls

I like dogs in general, and I also have a soft spot for pit bulls, due to a beautiful one-eyed pit bull mix named Lexus at the shelter where I used to walk dogs until they closed that location (but are re-opening a new location in SoHo, if anybody's interested in helping [pdf]. Also, how cute is this:

Feed the kittens!) Anyway, Lexus the pit bull was gorgeous and incredibly sweet but she didn't get along so well with other dogs, so scared away anybody who wanted to adopt her. Loves kids though. I hope she's still rocking.

So, this piece is really good:

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/08/20/pit_bulls/

And brings up the persistent issue of breed-specific legislation, which is being considered again in New York, even though, as Mr. Foster points out, "there is a state law preventing legislation that identifies dangerous dogs strictly by appearance rather than individual temperament".

The guy who is primarily responsible for re-introducing this (at least in January) is one City Councilman Peter Vallone, who represents a little slice o' Queens (22nd district). He might have changed his mind about the best way to not have aggressive dogs, or he might not have. If you happen to live in Astoria, you might want to ask him.

Magic!

I am aware that my entire readership also avidly reads the Times, but on the off chance that you two haven't read this: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/21/science/21magic.html you should go do so. It's real good.

Our Nation's Founding Exalted Purposes (Homophobia and more Homophobia, apparently)

So, Rick Scarborough, blah blah, you're a right wing douchebag, etc., but seriously: what do you mean when you say this:

"This week every single Democrat candidate participated in a first ever homosexual sponsored debate carried live on a homosexual television network. As the latest reminder of how far we have fallen from the exalted purposes upon which this nation was founded, consider that the first thing the public discovered about the hosts of this debate was the method they chose for their sex acts. Can you imagine the great Lincoln/Douglas debates being hosted by any group that first advertised their sexual proclivities?"

Well, yeah, I can -- it's not that hard. Just picture Melissa Ethridge, then picture Lincoln and Douglas. It's really not challenging, and it in no way changes what came after. I just got to find out that Melissa Ethridge was gay first (yes she is!), then there was mind-blowing oratory. By the way, Rick, did you know Lincoln was totally, totally gay?

But Rick, buddy, what do you think the exalted purposes upon which this nation was founded were? Seriously. What were they, that are so threatened by homosexuals sponsoring a debate (or, like, whatever)? I checked your website for more information, and found this:

"Our nation is abandoning the bedrock moral values, which are our heritage from God, and the very foundation of our liberty."

So I guess what you're saying here, Rick, is that America was founded on Christian values, and that the foundation of liberty is somehow wrapped up in honoring your mother and father, etc. Well I can't argue with that (I mean, I can, but I'm not going to bother, cause you're not going to listen to me, and you're really barely coherent to begin with). I could argue that Christian values include tolerance and do not include homophobia, and are pretty clear about the whole "Jesus started a new covenant which invalidated all the old rules like leaving the corner of your field unplowed and murdering all the gays so you don't have to do that stuff any more" thing, but I doubt you would really listen to that either, because you are just so sure that God hates the gays. I mean, loves the gays but hates the gay sex. Or however you put it that makes your hate-shaped peg fit into your love-shaped hole. Wait, I feel a gay joke coming on!

Anyway, Rick, let's just go back to the initial article, where you hilariously include this wee passage:

"While some who read my ranting will take their time to castigate me for being involved in such things as politics and remind me that I should confine my time to feeding the poor and preaching the gospel,"

Yes, yes, that's why I'm taking my time. You don't miss a trick, do you, Rick? But wait, I actually agree with you! You continue the above sentence to say:

"in England this week, the Catholic Church was instructed by the courts there that they could not remove a principal from their school who had entered into a domestic partnership. The Archdiocese of Liverpool has been unable to take action against Charles Coyne, the head of St Cecilia's primary school, who has registered a partnership with Richard Jones, who is believed to work at a nearby school. Pope Benedict XVI has called civil partnerships "anarchic" and a danger to the family. The couple, who live together, had a reception in a parish centre, yet this religious school can do nothing about it because of legal protections enacted by their governing bodies and enforced by their courts. Can you imagine the insanity of a church school which is attempting to teach what they [sic] believe the Scripture teaches about homosexuality while their principal lives in open defiance of the church’s position and the school is unable to do anything about it?"

Now this is awfully crazy, indeed. Why the guy wants to work there in the first place is beyond me, but that's not the point, and in fact I heartily salute you, Mr. Coyne, for showing that neither your sexuality nor your faith is a choice, for surely you would've changed one of 'em already if you could. I'm not saying which one. Also, Rick? According to a cursory check of the Internet (and I'm not saying your site isn't reliable, no siree bob!), it would seem the Catholic Church was not "instructed by the courts" anywhere, but simply asked their lawyers what their chances would be about firing this Sinny McSinner, what with this whole Equality Act thing. The lawyers muttered something about a snowball and "that place y'all Catholics are always talking about" then stumbled to a bar to re-evaluate their career choices.

That last bit might be apocryphal, I'm not sure. I seriously doubt English lawyers say "y'all", who makes this shit up, anyway? (Oh right, me.)

Anyway, the school "is attempting to teach what they believe the Scripture teaches about homosexuality" [emphasis, um, mine, in case you can't move your eyes up], and they have to do it while employing a man who lives in opposition to those teachings. Now one could take some cheap shots here at the fucking Catholic Church wanting to actually fire a gay man, unlike they do with, I don't know, thousands of gay child molesting priests, but I'm above all that. So I'll just say that if what you're preaching is so out of step with the lifestyles of people the government won't let you fire, maybe you want to just take a second and think that maybe the issue is with what you're preaching, huh Rick? Rick? Rick? Helloooo?

Damn, I think he left.

Now that's using your noggin (that god gave you, just as it is!)

I have no idea who Joshua Fruhlinger is, but I like his writing style:

"If you're in charge of getting new worshippers to come and check out your church, you have several options: Tell sinners they're all going to hell, promise them salvation, hope for positive word-of-mouth, or offer $15 iTunes Music Store gift certificates. If you chose the last option, you would be David Hughes, Church By The Glades' pastor."

http://www.switched.com/2007/08/20/church-lures-worshippers-with-free-itunes-songs/

"Some may call the idea progressive while others may call it a sad state of religious affairs."

I'd call it both, really.

Oh my.

Who's editing Wikipedia?

So enterprising people have found a way to track back a whole bunch of edits on Wikipedia back to IP addresses owned by the very companies those edits helped, like Diebold "deleting long paragraphs detailing the security industry's concerns over the integrity of their voting machines, and information about the company's CEO's fund-raising for President Bush." There are some delightfully egregious examples over here in this contest for the worst: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/wikiwatch/

The thing bugging me here is that everybody is blaming the companies for doing it, saying stuff like "Just one of many places where Wal-Mart changed content to put a favorable spin on the topic" and "Hilarious - Ford renames Honda Fit to 'Honda Loser'" and "The National Institute of Health's busy vandalizing the WikiProject Scientology to-do list...No wonder we don't have a cure for cancer or AIDS yet." (ouch!)

But nobody has shown that this was a conscious decision by the actual company -- I find it hard to believe that Bill Ford is sitting up there in a board room, going "For our next trick, vandalizing Wikipedia!" while rubbing his hands together and petting his Persian cat. The hand rubbing and cat, ok, I can see, but not so much the Honda thing. This is (probably) just some guy who works at Ford, who's bored during work and is fucking with Honda. Or people working at Wal-Mart who get mad when they see their company criticized, so putting in a correction or their own spin. I'm not saying it's good, just that it's probably not exactly corporate policy.

The whole point of Wikipedia is arguing -- there are a lot of people who hate Wal-Mart who say some pretty negative shit. If somebody who likes Wal-Mart (so much that they work there!) wants to say something positive, there's nothing wrong with that. If it's not true, somebody else will come along and disagree. And hence, Wikipedia. Viva the mishmash of half-truths, opinions and bullshit.

Big Cat Giuliani

I personally think it's great when Rudy puts on a dress and makes out with Donald Trump, but seriously what is going on here?

Pay for my implants!

No, not mine, dumbass. But you can choose some fine ladies over here at myfreeimplants.com, and buy the chance to send them a message, to help them on their way to breast implants! Messages only $1.25! For $50, one of 'em might even send you some nudie pics! Now, the piece that brings this lovely site to our attention does include some negative type comments, apparently concerned for the delicate sensibilities of these poor, low-self-esteem, needy girls who have been conned into participating in this site.

First of all, fuck you. You have never met any of these people, and you have no idea about their self-esteem. Second of all, this is no Girls Gone Wild, getting them to show their tits when they're wasted. These girls are actively working over a period of time toward a goal. A goal of bigger fake titties, and who are you to judge their goals? You think your goals are all fuckin' perfect, do you?

Particularly retarded are the comments from the unbelievably intelligent Yahoo crowd that weighs in on just everything, such as one "Julie" who has this to say:

"Overall it makes me sick. She is nothing more than an object now. Almost tempting to most women, but in reality, its a sad situation to be caught up in. Its obviously for girls who have tremendous pressure, and are emotionally unstable and needy. She is a victim, and Jason and the other desparate men out there are the predators. Nothing comes free, and in real-life games, there are no extra lives to come back with. You only got one, so enjoy it and spend your time with real people who love you, not lust you. What a tremendous waste of such valuable time . It is very sad to me that so much of someone's short, but precious life and energy is invested in something so sick."

What, exactly, are you talking about? Wanting a free boob job makes you emotionally unstable? Spend your time with real people who love you? They don't PAY YOU TO TALK TO THEM. Why do people automatically think people are doing this because they want to chat with horny men?

Of course I also have not met any of them, so I can't tell you what their motivations are, but there is one Ashley profiled here, who has this to say: "It's a business thing for me. I mean, I hate to feel that way. Because I know some of these guys are thinking I'm their friend. I'm not really a fake person, so it's kind of a challenge for me. But at the same time, you know, you got to make the money."

Who's taking advantage of who here, exactly? And what do y'all think about phone sex operators? Are some of them emotionally unstable sexually abused fucked up little girls? Probably! Are all of them? Nope! Do you think the men who pay to call 900 numbers are abusing the victims on the other end?

But this one was my favorite: "One blogger compared it to prostitution 'but without the freedom provided by the money the women earn'" (because the money goes directly for the implants, not to the women to do whatever they want with it, apparently making them freer, which is why they're hooking in the first place, right?). They don't mention who this blogger is, but seriously, what the fuck are you talking about? Women get money for naked pictures all the time. They are not prostitutes. Prostitution is having sex with somebody for money. Not being photographed for money, nor talking to somebody for money, nor even flirting with somebody for money. Porn stars actually DO have sex for money and they are still not prostitutes! And you are saying this is worse than prostitution? You would rather they have the freedom to buy more crack?

Ahem. It's Friday, and I'm going home early.

Confused about who to vote for? Check out their wedding.

OK, this site is mad fucked up in ways I can't even begin to go in to, but awww. Bill and Hillary got married in their living room in Arkansas. How sweet.

I only looked at a couple others before I got bored, but I notice that Giuliani's profile is lacking in marital bliss specifics (I guess third time was not all that charming, and seriously, what a bitch), and also lacking in some other details -- their little bio goes (in part):

What did he do for NYC? Giuliani was named the Associate Attorney General under the Reagan administration in 1981 and then served as the US Attorney for the Southern District of New York, where he prosecuted several high-profile cases involving organized crime and government corruption. Giuliani was elected New York City mayor in 1993 and served as such until 2001.

Funny, I kind of have this vague feeling Giulani did something else in 2001...something about New York...damn, if he would just talk about it a little more I might remember!

Evolution

I forgot about this and don't feel like looking for the link so I'm just putting down this story, which is awesome:

BOGOTA (Reuters) - Colombian mobile telephone users are being duped by criminals who pose as phone operators and instruct them to turn off their handsets just long enough to demand ransom from their families.

Colombia, long one of the world's kidnapping capitals, has seen a rash of cases in which mobile phone customers receive messages telling them to turn off their handsets for two hours because their telephones have been cloned, police say.

The criminals then contact family members of the phone user to say that he or she has been taken hostage. Families who have no way of contacting their relative are directed where to drop off ransom money before the two hours are up.

"If you get a call telling you to turn off your handset, contact the authorities," local television channel Caracol told viewers during a Tuesday news program.


Seriously that is just brilliant. Not that I'm rooting for the kidnappers or anything (probably!), but genius deserves to be recognized. Plus, the person never even actually gets kidnapped! It's like Tim Roth's story in Pulp Fiction. Anyway, well done, Colombian kidnappers. Well done.

Summer Cocktails

What better place to store stuff than on my own, personal blog? I can put whatever the fuck I want on here! (Yes, I am sort of just realizing this.) So instead of using Jeff's IM history to store cocktail recipies, I am stashing them here. Give them a try, Internet people, if you can't be reading incoherent rants you can at least be getting drunk all fancy-like.

The Irma la Douce

1 1/2 ounces gin (we recommend Hendrick's)
1/2 ounce Green Chartreuse
1/2 ounce muddled cucumber
1/2 ounce lemon juice
1/2 ounce grapefruit juice
1/4 ounce simple syrup

Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a slice of cucumber.

Iced Tea Classic

1 to 2 parts Earl Grey-infused vodka
2 parts lemon soda
a sprig of mint
a thinly sliced lemon
a splash of simple syrup (optional)

To make Earl Grey-infused vodka: For a 750 ml bottle, steep 4 tea bags for four to five hours (or until it's brewed-tea color; don't let it sit too long, or it will get bitter and tannic).
Fill a tall glass with ice. Pour one to two parts vodka over ice. Add two parts lemon soda as a mixer. (Folks who like their iced tea sweet may want to add a splash of simple syrup). Add a sprig of crushed mint and one or two thinly sliced rounds of lemon as a garnish.


Black & Tan

5 blackberries
8 mint leaves
1/4 ounce fresh lime juice
1/4 ounce simple syrup
2 ounces Sazerac rye
ginger beer

Muddle the blackberries, mint, simple syrup and lime juice in a mixing glass. Add the rye, and shake well with ice. Strain into an ice-filled Collins glass (you’ll want to use a mesh tea strainer), top with ginger beer and garnish with two whole blackberries.


Sangre de Agave

1 1/2 ounce reposado Tequila [Don Julio]
1/2 ounce dark, heavy rum [Pusser’s]
3/4 ounce lime juice
1/2 ounce creme de cassis
1/2 teaspoon rich simple syrup

Shake with ice and strain into chilled cocktail glass

Noooo!

OK, whatever, the subprime loan crash is absolutely fucking over every disadvantaged person who had the audacity to want a home and was gullible enough to think people would actually give them credit at a fair rate, fine fine. Then the ripple effect of money actually costing money to borrow is going to essentially rip the fabric of the universe apart, whatever. But now they're fucking with the Hobbit??? That is where I draw the LINE, my friend.

Wake me up when September ends

So, this big awesome report from Petraeus, that we've been waiting for like it's freakin' Godot before we can begin to think at all about Iraq? Yeah -- a) he's not writing it, and b) you're probably not going to read it.

a) From the LA Times -- Despite Bush's repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.

b) From the Washington Post -- Senior congressional aides said [Wednesday] that the White House has proposed limiting the much-anticipated appearance on Capitol Hill next month of Gen. David H. Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan C. Crocker to a private congressional briefing, suggesting instead that the Bush administration's progress report on the Iraq war should be delivered to Congress by the secretaries of state and defense.

I assume, Constant Reader, you're on my side here about how awesome it is that this consistent, morally unimpeachable (ha! Can we try, anyway? Please??) White House is actually writing the report that will dictate our future progress in Iraq (hint: stay the course). Whew! I was worried we might actually get some information here.

Just kidding -- that thought never crossed my mind.

Wait, what's irony again?

How best to show that Islam does not oppress women? Try to kill a woman who says it does. We are TOLERANT, worthless cunt!

Hi, people: there are major fucking problems with all your original books. Yeah, the Koran does not exactly state women are the equal of men. In fact, it's pretty explicit in the opposite direction, what with things like [2:228] "...And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise. " And helpful fashion tips for the elderly, like [24:60] "The elderly women who do not expect to get married commit nothing wrong by relaxing their dress code, provided they do not reveal too much of their bodies. To maintain modesty is better for them."

But what, you think the Old Testament is better? Anything you copy literally from hundreds of years ago is going to have serious fucking dissonance with the way things are now. And some people think that's bad, because they really, really believe that their god wrote that book just exactly the way he meant it. And they want us all to go back to living according to God's word, even though a lot of them really don't mean that (how many Christians who cite Leviticus as the reason why homosexuality is wrong keep kosher? That law's just a couple verses away, buddy). And I can't disagree with those people, there is no argument about what you believe. They didn't ask to believe it, any more than I asked to not.

Also, I was looking up who said that religious wars are people fighting over whose imaginary friend is better -- answer: Richard Jeni, who committed suicide in March, and gave rise to such blomments as "Like most people I have had my dark nights of the soul and have even contemplated suicide. I had only one life line that kept me alive and sane: my belief in God. I know he isn't an imaginary friend and by now Jenni knows it too. May God have mercy on his soul." See what I mean? Dude KNOWS he's not an imaginary friend. How? He just knows!

But guys, PR tip -- stoning people because they disagree with you is not a good way to show tolerance, eh?

Crazy like a squirrel!

This is pretty interesting:

http://www.badgersett.com/info/futureisnuts.html

This dude (Phillip A. Rutter, apparently) seems to think we can replace basically everything with hazelnuts and chestnuts and no one will be the wiser (Quote of the Day from Mark Shepard:
"[Y]our Cheetos will begin to be made from chestnuts and you won't even realize it." Yay!).

While this does all sound grand, and certainly things you only need to plant once are a lot better than things you need to plant and reap, plant and reap until you're all turn, turn, turned around, one's bullshitometer does tend to go off when handed such a panacea. Genetically modified hybrid hazelnuts take over the world! Also, aren't a lot of people allergic to nuts?

Regardless, I'll be happy to switch to a nicer kinder staple, since right now everything is made out of corn (really, almost everything, if you don't believe me go check out page 18-19 of The Omnivor's Dillema.)

Plus it will help with that argument that a vegetarian diet actually kills more animals than an omnivore one, as lots of animals are killed in the harvesting of crops (think giant threshers mowing down field mice). Of course it takes way more corn to feed a cow to feed me than it takes corn to feed me, so this argument is prima facie stupid, but still, every little bit helps.

Whoa, dude, that's like, heavy

Has John Tierny honestly never considered the idea that we might be part of someone else's simulated reality before? Did he not go to college? I mean, thanks for bringing it to the masses and all (getting that percentage of the population who reads the NYT and did not see the Matrix), but the guy he got this idea from first published this paper in 2003. Cutting edge journalism there, Johnny.

What did you do yesterday?

Me? Not much, just a typical day at work, since I don't get eight months of vacation a year. Unlike the Current Occupant, who must be awfully distraught over not having MC Rove around to serve the country, so he's back in Crawford. What did he do? I bet Dana Perino knows:

"[W]hat the President loves to do when he's at his ranch is to spend time outdoors. And I know today that they were maybe going to do some trail building, some bike trail building that they do out there, so that they can then mountain bike. And I wouldn't be surprised if the President got in some fishing, as well as some time with his wife, Laura, Mrs. Bush, and maybe other family and friends. If other family and friends do arrive, and I'm able to provide that information, I certainly will.
But I think that we should just all expect that this week, with the President not having any public events, that when he's out on his ranch what he loves to do is spend time in the outdoors; he loves to get his exercise. And I would expect that there would be some brush cutting to do, although it is 107 degrees, so I don't know how many people are going to be able to stand it. The President, obviously, likes the heat, so maybe everyone else is just going to have to suffer through it. "

Yep. No wonder he doesn't see the need to get troops out of Iraq, what with loving to get exercise in the heat like that. That must be why the Iraqi government went on vacation for the whole month of August, since it's all hot in Baghdad -- they probably just wanted to get in some brush clearing.

Karl Rove, Go Fuck Yourself

From an interview everybody's favorite MC Rove gave while aboard Air Force One today after announcing his resignation yesterday:

"Look, I love my job. I have fun. It is a joy to walk in the door. I have the most incredible colleagues in the world. And I know it sounds corny, but it's inspiring to walk into the Oval Office, the tone he sets, you know, the good nature he has, the focus, the vision -- it's inspiring. And I deliberately used that word today because he just -- he makes it a wonderful place to work. And my colleagues make it a magical place to work. And you have such a sense of satisfaction of serving the country and doing important work in combination with some really extraordinary people. And would I like to enjoy that right up until January 20? You bet I would; 526 more days of that would be great. But I wouldn't be doing the right thing by my family, and it really is time for me to do this."

I don't have anything intelligent to say here, really. People smarter than me have already recounted Mr. Rove's innumberable missteps, leaks and crimes, yet apparently he is inspired by having done them. Serving the country, he says. Getting Scooter convicted to cover up his own leak is no big deal cause he'll never have to actually serve jail time. Total failure to get any of Bush's agenda pushed through (in case you forgot about Social Security in all this immigration failure, that didn't work either), the US attorney firing scandal (which he definitely can't be proven to be involved with, since he deleted all his emails), even a fun time being in charge of the Katrina reconstruction effort -- which part of that was serving the country? (Look, I recounted all his crap even though I just said I wasn't going to. I lie a lot. Sorry.)

I guess he's just "inspired" past all need to dwell on these pesky details of reality. And really, it is too bad to see Ice Cream Fridays go. That Karl, what a fun guy (fungi? Thrives in bullshit, anyway). So, goodbye, Karl Rove. And again: go fuck yourself.

Plastic Bags

This is what I'm talking about, right here:

http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2001/01/treebags.html

This article makes me all warm and fuzzy inside, even though it is quite old. I hope these guys are still around, taking plastic bags off the trees of the city. I heard about a forest outside of Mexico City that just died as each tree was coated in plastic bags, cutting off sunlight to the leaves, but I can't independently confirm it so I'll just leave it as apocryphal for now. However there is a story about banning plastic bags in San Francisco in the Economist which includes this phrase: "[Plastic bags] get caught in trees (hence the epithet “Witches' Knickers”)". Um, what? Google tells me this is a delightfully evocative Irish description, but I don't quite get the "hence".

Anyway, great idea -- they're being replaced by recycled compostable potato or corn starch to try to boost composting as well, and it's just so handy. If you haven't planned a shopping trip it's hard to remember a tote (at least it is for me, anyway, since I'm stupid as well as lazy), so great alternative. Whole Foods gives you 10 cents off for each bag of your own you bring in, but it would be nice to have a better option at the store as well.

Hello, world

I am sort of puzzled by people whose blogs start right out running, with no introduction or any sort of explanation as to why they've suddenly decided the Internet needs to hear them. They just launch right in, talking about their day and their friends as if you were mid conversation, and I keep looking around for an "older posts" button but there is no such thing, and I am left with such a lingering sense of obfuscation. Well, I would never do that to you!

So: I've started a blog because Brett told me to. Also, there are so many things I see all day that I want to share, and limited time and patience on the part of the friends I keep trying to share them with all day. So instead I will put them here, because if there's one thing to be said about the Internet, it's that it is the perfect outlet for people who have too much time and too much to say, and no one who gives a shit to say it to.

Also, thanks to Brett for the name. I would never have included profanity if it were not for him. Fuck no.